Fairy tales and romance books deceive us all

Hi again,

I have started reading again, reading for enjoyment I mean.  It surprises my how many of the books out there depict situations that are unrealistic and well...CRAP.  They teach us that in a moment every challenge, every struggle, can change.  That one day we will struggle with one thing and the next....by either meeting the love of our life, or by hearing some new information, or by having a long conversation...well,  POOF...we are better.

Seldom do they teach the truth. That healing and changing is a long process.  That we take a step forward and then two backwards.  That even though one day we will feel better, the next may be a different story.  They don't tell you that even those who love and accept you in the beginning will sometimes lose their patience and be "done" with you. They don't tell you that after so many times of thinking you are healed only to struggle another day, many of the people closest to you will not believe you are changed or even that you can change.

I shared some of my thoughts with a friend this morning.  I was feeling good.  The conversation was wonderful.  He asked me why I need to be broken.  I told him I wasn't broken I was scarred.  He asked my why I needed to time and time again think that something needed to be fixed.  I jump from one thing to another, trying desperately to fix myself, never being finished.

I thought of that for a while.  He has been  faithful friend for many years.  He has lasted longer than any other (except my husband-although I shielded my husband from a great deal of the ugly side).  And yet,  I didn't think he understood.  I am not sure I understand, but today, here is how I see it. I am scarred.  The effects of childhood experiences, regardless of what kind vary from person to person.  But for the most part if there is some negativity involved, it results in "fear, depression, guilt, self-hatred, destruction of s-esteem, and alienation from normal human relationships."  - Elder Richard G. Scott
I have many of these consequences.  They have hurt many in my life.  I have come to recognize them and decided I want more than anything to overcome them.  I asked for help.  I got it.  I studied, I listened, I learned.  All of the consequences seemed so illogical to me.  I thought for sure I could just decide to think and be different.  I worked on one consequence at a time.  I think that is why I saw myself as broken.  That list is not a description of a "normal" "emotionally healthy" person.

Of course I thought I was broken.  I would improve in one area, only find there was another area.  I would work on my depression, only find I was still afraid.  I would work on my fear, only to find I still hated myself. What was wrong?  I wasn't healing the scar that caused these consequences.  I forgave, I learned to accept, I learned to love.  But....the consequences were still there.  I still felt broken.  Today, I don't think I am broken.  I am scarred.  That list....it's normal.  I don't need to fix the consequences...I only need to heal.  I need to have the faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His atonement.  I need to allow him to heal me. To remove this scar.  As He does, there will be natural consequences to the healing.  I will change.  I be different.  I will have a different list of consequences.

I pray for that day.  I hope all of you find the hope I have found.  Please comment.